The Contraceptive Mentality: “Love Confused With Lust”

Spiritual Warfare (Pt 2)

By Jack Rigert

When man, male and female, rejected the simple unchanging and eternal truth that marriage is a sacred sign and that the one flesh marital union joins the couple, body and soul, with divine grace in a holy act meant for babies and bonding, human civilization itself began to self-destruct. The fact remains that until Christians return to the sacredness of marriage between a man and a woman and the one flesh union as a free, total, faithful and fruitful act of life-giving-love, then our culture and way of life will continue to decline. It is inevitable as recent history has made abundantly clear.

A last minute decision to get a haircut had me checking into a local chain where I selected “first stylist available” and took a seat to wait my turn. I had barely fired off a few emails when my name was announced and I met Lisa who showed me to her chair. Once we talked hairstyle she politely asked if I had plans for the weekend. I said that I was presenting the keynote talk at a young adult retreat and Lisa asked about the topic. I replied, “The beauty of human sexuality and finding authentic love in a thoroughly confused world.”

She was curious to know more, so I continued, “St. John Paul II explained that the search for Truth and Love begins when we start to ask important questions, such as, Who am I? What is the meaning and purpose of my life? Why are we created male and female? How do I find happiness on earth? How do I find love that satisfies, forever? He also says these questions pervade human life and are inescapable. Every person, by their very nature, desires to know the ultimate meaning of life and, in turn, also has a right to know.”

“Wow, thats quite deep” she said.

Spotting a picture in her station, I asked, “are those your children?” She had two, Kim 14, in eighth grade and Kevin was seven. When she added that her daughter was dating a high-school junior my heart sank and I blurted out, “Don’t you think that she is too young to date and aren’t you concerned that she is seeing an older boy? It throws up a big red flag in my book.”

Lisa answered that her daughter was mature for her age and in some ways this boy has been good for her. Kim was previously at home on her devices all the time, but he loves nature and has her out hiking and even taught her how to fish. She and her husband had even been to his home and met his parents who very nice.

When I pressed Lisa further on her daughter’s age and dating an older boy, her reply should have shocked me, but sadly it has become all too commonplace. “My daughter and I have a very good relationship; we talk about everything. I told her to come to me when she thought that she was ready for sexual activity. When she did approach me with questions we had a good discussion about contraception and taking precautions”, adding, “I made sure that she was vaccinated with the HPV vaccine when she turned ten, so I feel good about that.”

Lisa I said, “I know that we may be coming from different places on this but when did we as a culture reduce love to a feeling, and then to sex, without any meaning or purpose?” She shrugged, stopped cutting my hair and looking at me said, “I don’t honestly know, but thats a good question.”

“It’s a consequence of the contraceptive mentality that has been passed down to us. It’s a lie, and we all bought into the lie, let me try to explain”, I replied:

In his 1968 encyclical Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul VI correctly identified the consequences that artificial contraception would have on all of society, including young people:

Let them consider how easily this course of action could open wide the way for marital infidelity and a general lowering of moral standards. Not much experience is needed to be fully aware of human weakness and to understand that human beings—and especially the young, who are so exposed to temptation—need incentives to keep the moral law, and it is an evil thing to make it easy for them to break that law. Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection.

“Lisa we live in a toxic culture that literally screams; Forget about God, the Church or the Bible. We are sold on the idea that there is no Creator and so by default what’s left is that we are all here by accident, just random atoms hitting atoms. By extension then our lives have no meaning or purpose and Truth, other than my truth or your truth, doesn’t exist. But there is something that doesn’t function well in a world without meaning, purpose and truth, especially the truth of authentic love…the human heart! For the heart was made for ‘something more’.

I have a lot of experience talking to young people, but it doesn’t take much experience to know that your daughter is being set up for heartbreak. In addition to the psychological, emotional and physical confusion and damage that is almost sure to follow is the almost inevitable discussion about having an abortion.

As parents it’s our responsibility to educate our children in the essential values of human life and love. We are faced with a culture that largely reduces human sexuality to the level of the emotions and to a simply common place activity like playing tennis or going out for lunch. What has been forgotten is the human heart’s longing for authentic love. This is why sex education, which is the basic right and duty of parents, must always be carried out under the attentive guidance and knowledge of their parents, whether at home or in educational centers chosen and controlled by them. Parents cannot leave the precious lives and hearts of our children to schools or the culture.”

In Familiaris Consortio Pope John Paul II wrote, “This is the reason that the Catholic Church is firmly opposed to todays’ widespread form of imparting sex information in government schools dissociated from moral principles. That would merely be an introduction to the experience of human sexuality reduced to biology, robbing children of their innocence, the loss of serenity and opening the way to vice.”

“Lisa, in our presentations in schools and churches we meet young women who share childhood dreams about their wedding day. They remember dressing up as little girls and imagining their prince charming waiting for them as they walked up the isle to marry the man who would love and cherish them forever! I bet that you and Kim have had those dreams too!

I think about the wedding vows my wife and I took in the Church, ‘I, Jack, take you, Jeannie, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.’

Yet even as beautiful as the vows are, a marriage in the church is not yet consummated! What we say with our words, our vows, is actually consummated in the marital embrace, when the two become one body. This is the language of our bodies spoken in the truth of authentic love. And each and every time a husband and wife come together they are renewing their wedding vows! Please share this with Kim!

Never heard that? Are you feeling overwhelmed? I have good news for you! The John Paul II Renewal Center has a simple, easy to use program called LoveEd. It was created to empower parents to have ‘The Talk’ so that kids get ‘Love Right.’ Here is my card, go to our website and check it out.”

Finally Lisa please relay this message:

“Dear Kim, your life is beginning to open different prospects before you; it offers you as a task the plan for your whole life. You will come, hopefully, to realize that no one is ‘ready’ for sexual activity until they grasp the deep meaning of the ‘one flesh union.’ Hence the question about values; hence the question about the meaning of life, about truth, about good and evil. You are not here by accident; you are a Beloved Child of God.

Listen to your heart, Go through LoveEd with your mom (she will explain) and remember the story of love within it, for it is your story too! Then, if I may add, go to Jesus, he will lead you further, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life’ (John 14:6).”